Last Night I Walked Into a Police Station and Confessed to a Murder

Last night, I walked into a police station and confessed to a murder.

THE CONFESSION

It took some time for the Police to understand what I was saying but I was eventually interviewed by Detective Sergeant Williams. I explained what had happened.

MOTIVE

My relationship with my victim had been very good, but over time, I had lost faith in him and recently he let me down very badly, humiliating me in front of my peers. Friendship turned to hatred and I knew that he had to die.

OPPORTUNITY

Although we mostly met in company with a host of others, it was relatively easy for me to engineer a situation where we were on our own. I don’t think he suspected what I intended to do.

MEANS

I spent some time fantasising over how to commit the murder. In the end, I decided to decapitate him. When it came to it, however, I could not face him and so turned him face down while I sawed through his neck.

Was it difficult? No, after all, I’m 5’ 10” tall and weigh 82 kg, while he is a 2” tall plastic wargaming fig …

It was at this stage that DS Williams stood up abruptly and terminated the interview.

AFTERMATH

They say that confession is a cathartic experience. I don’t really know what that means, but my experience suggests that it is something to do with being thrown out of a police station amidst mutterings of wasting police time and with veiled threats of what would happen were I to ever darken their doors again.

And so I have to live with my crime. The guilt I feel is made more unbearable by the dawning realisation that my former friend was not responsible for his actions and was in fact only a pawn in a larger game being played by my dice. And so, I have no choice but to consider their fate. Beheading is not practical, but melting them in a fire – that might work.

10 Likes

sometimes an example has to be made

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I thought this was spam at first but then I realised no, it’s just the normal strangeness of ol’ Kosh. :poop:

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You need to make an example of it and have the severed head carried around by a former colleague.

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I too vote for this option!

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I had a feeling the post was going somewhere like this but I forced myself not to scroll to the end to see. I was rewarded with a good laugh. Thank you.

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I thought it was going to be about an offending dice, but this was good too!

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On a banner pole maybe…

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